Why resolving a problem might be the worst thing to do!

Recently I tried to help a husband understand why his wife was frustrated and hurt. I worked hard to help him be able to see things from her perspective. He didn’t get it. I tried explaining it two or three different ways and he still didn’t get it. I used an example in his own life that would have been very similar in nature to the frustration his wife was feeling. Finally, it seemed as though it began to click. He turned slightly towards his wife to say that it “kinda made sense.” Then he turned back to me and said in a somewhat frustrated tone of voice: “I could have said that a long time ago, but that doesn’t solve anything.”

Resolving problem

And I had a light bulb moment!

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The Single Most Helpful Step To Process Conflict:

Over the weekend my wife and I processed two areas of conflict between us. In both instances they occurred LARGELY because of a failure to hear, understand, and appreciate the other person’s perspective. Let me explain what happened in one example, and show the positive outcome of taking this single most helpful step to process conflict.

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Star Trek and Your Marriage!

Over the weekend I went to see Star Trek Into Darkness with one of our extra girls who has become like a daughter. It was a great flick. But it was not until the very end – and I mean the very end – that I really learned something important. You see, while I am ready to leave as soon as the movie is over, she likes to remain until all the credits are over! I could never understand why until this time when I asked. Here is how she replied, what I learned, and how it relates to your marriage and family:

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It’s Not Over Yet! Four Things to Remember:

I had been working with a couple through a great number of difficulties. Both were very committed to the process and working hard. He was fighting his own battles both past and present; she was fighting hers. At one point she was particularly distressed, struggling to keep moving forward. It was then a thought came to mind to share with them:

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Are YOU Standing For Your Marriage?

Heroes – that is what I think of them.  Men and women who have stood for their marriage when everyone thought they were crazy. I don’t even know how they did it except by the grace of God. I think of two men who stood for their marriage and yet their wives left them.  I think of several women who stood for the same, and God brought reconciliation. I think of another marriage where one spouse has stood for years, even though separated. Things went from worse to worser and worsest. (Excuse the vernacular!) And finally they have taken a turn for the better. It reminded me of the following declaration I once read. I would like to dedicate this to the heroes past and present who are standing for their marriage!

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12 Must Have Marriage Resources

Over the course of my life, God has enabled me to connect with and learn from some of the wisest leaders in our nation when it comes to marriage, family, and relationships. If could deposit all I have come to know and learn, directly in to your heart and mind, I would do it in a heartbeat. I deeply desire for you to know and experience relationships with your spouse and children as I have with mine. Following is my “must ;have” list of resources that give the greatest insights in to what it takes to have a great marriage.

12 marriage resources

As strongly as I can, I urge you to take heed and read/study each one. Make it a goal to get each of the resources and build a library from which you can glean that which you need again and again.

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For Men Only: Here Are Four Things To Help You Understand Your Wife:

It has long been said “you can never understand a woman.”  Being a man, I can appreciate the saying.  At the same time however, it can be too easy for us men to think that way and excuse ourselves from having to go deeper. Here are four ideas for a husband to keep in mind when seeking to understand his wife:

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Learn How and Why We Must Regularly Connect With Our Spouse:

Have you ever had something like this happen between you and your spouse?

My wife was talking with a friend, telling her a cute story about one of the children in her classroom.  It was a delightful story.  They laughed together.  And I thought, “Zerrin never told me that story.  How come I am hearing it now and not first hand?”

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6 Questions to consider Why Your Spouse Won’t Talk Much Part 2:

One of the more common complaints I hear when talking to couples is that one or the other simply won’t talk.  Said more accurately, they won’t talk about anything other than what is necessary to get through the day.  Why might this be the case?  What questions should you be asking yourself?

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