No doubt we have all heard our spouse start a sentence with: “You ALWAYS…” or “You NEVER…” Truth be known, we have probably all said those words ourselves. I remember once, telling Zerrin I was frustrated about her using those words when she talks to me, only to find myself doing the same thing on a walk with her only one hour later. Ugh! I hate it when that happens! What do we do?
Those balls were meant to hit you and take you out. Sometimes they even stung. To stay in the game you moved quickly in one direction or another to let the ball fly by without touching you.
When your spouse throws a zinger at you, it is meant to hit you and even hurt a bit. He or she is angry–likely because they have been hurt themselves. In their anger, they react and hurt back.
If you are on the receiving end, the best thing you can do when those words come at you is dodge them. It is not always easy; and not always what you want to do. Sometimes you want to catch the words (like we did the ball) and throw them right back in their face.
Guess what? That NEVER helps! It may feel good at the moment, but it never, NEVER helps!
Instead, keep four ideas in mind:
Let the painful harsh words fly by – as mentioned above. Doing anything different will only make matters worse.
Keep in mind that in their heart of hearts, your spouse probably doesn’t fully mean what he or she is saying.
Take note however, that there is a reason the words came out of your spouse’s mouth. There is, in a sense, story behind them. The hurt and anger is real and intense. It exists for some reason. Ask them why. Draw them out. Listen to their story.
Your goal is to discover the reason for their pain and anger and own up to whatever part you played in causing it.
What it takes:
This will not be easy. It will take courage and a resolve to love rather than self-protect. But the rewards will be far grander than you can imagine. When this style of relating becomes the norm rather than the exception, the wife will experience a strength in her husband that leaves her secure and wanting more of him. The husband will experience a beauty in his wife that leaves him strengthened and in awe, wanting more of her. And intimacy will re-ignite.
Question: What would you add to what I wrote above? You can leave a comment by clicking here.