Having The Same Fight Over and Over? Here’s why:

I’m not sure when it really hit me, but there it was: we were having the same conflict again that we did the week before. And the week before that, and even the one before that! What was going on? Why did we keep fighting over the same thing?

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Being a counselor who is trained to analyze complex situations, I had to figure this one out. What I eventually discovered was transformational to my marriage.

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7 Things to Practice As You Deal With The Small Stuff

At a lunch last week I heard a man speak about keeping “short accounts” with his wife – meaning they would talk about most everything that created disharmony in their relationship – even if it was simply an unkind or harsh tone of voice. Does that sound absurd? I hope not. It is probably one of the healthiest aspects of marriage if done well.

7 Tips for Conflict

Here are 7 ideas to keep in mind:

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When your spouse reacts…keep four ideas in mind:

No doubt we have all heard our spouse start a sentence with: “You ALWAYS…” or “You NEVER…”  Truth be known, we have probably all said those words ourselves. I remember once, telling Zerrin I was frustrated about her using those words when she talks to me, only to find myself doing the same thing on a walk with her only one hour later. Ugh! I hate it when that happens! What do we do?

dodgeball

Remember dodgeball!

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Did I Marry the Wrong Person?

That may or may not be your feeling. It is a question however, that I hear fairly often. When marriage is not going well, a thought crosses the mind of one or both spouses: “Did I marry the wrong person?” Feelings of disappointment, hurt, anger, betrayal, and disconnection shroud any feelings of love. Fear takes over and opens the door to confusion.

Did I Marry the Wrong Person?

A similar question could also be raised: “How can I know if I am marrying the right person?” This is a significant concern in the lives of young people considering marriage and evermore with a society full of broken marriages and others not marrying at all.

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Marriage & Money: 4 Ideas To Improve Both

Money is one of the leading causes of divorce and for some couples, it is at the center of almost every fight.  Money is no small part of our lives, and therefore no small part of our marriages.  So how can we handle money better with our spouses?

Great ideas on how to talk about and improve your finances!

Whether you fight about money, try your best to ignore it, or manage it well, here are 4 key ideas to help improve both your marriage and your finances.

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THE Answer to Conflict

As I write these blog posts, I do so with the awareness that I have a wide audience, from many who follow Jesus Christ, to others who may not be interested at all in God but want to learn how to have a great marriage. Though this particular post leans more heavily on the side of talking about Jesus, I do hope my friends who are not interested in God at this time, might read this and still glean some important helps for their life and marriage.

ANSWER to conflict

This morning I have been thinking of the numerous and serious conflicts amongst the nations of the world. I reflected on the times in which we live, the nature of man, and our need for God.

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I Like Being Around My Wife Again!

It’s so crazy. I am the one who teaches on conflict and how to resolve it. I do this every day of the week! And yet when I am in conflict it is still hard even for me and brings a multitude of emotions.  Here’s what I mean:

How to work through conflict with your spouse.

One day last week, my wife and one of my girls began to talk with me about something in me they didn’t understand and were frustrated about. We talked for almost an hour. I had all kinds of emotions. When they first brought it up, I felt kind of attacked–not hugely, but kinda.

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4 Steps To Love Better In Conflict

I know of couples who straight out go for the jugular when they fight with each other. Emotions escalate and so do they. Then there are those who are split: one wants to get to the bottom of things NOW and the other does everything they can to run the other direction. And finally, there are those couples in which neither party really wants to engage, so they both tend to put off dealing with conflict. Zerrin and I tend to fall more in this last camp. Here are some action steps to take regardless of how you deal with conflict:

4 Steps to Love Better while in conflict. Must print for later! http://madlyinlove.org/4-steps-love-better-conflict/

Step #1: Consider Your Conflict Style

Why do you tend to deal with conflict the way you do? What good (or bad) examples have you learned from? These are very important questions to ask. They can lead to much personal insight. The more you clarify why, the more power you will have to change.

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8 Rules of Engagement for Fighting Fair

In times of war there is something known as Rules Of Engagement (ROE). According to GlobalSecurity.org, they are “directives issued by competent military authority which delineate the circumstances and limitations under which United States forces will initiate and/or continue combat engagement with other forces encountered.”

Rules of Engagement

Recently I thought married couples should be practicing rules of engagement when it comes to interpersonal conflict!

Here are 8 Rules of Engagement to ensure you’re always fighting fair:

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The Process of Forgiveness, Step 7: The Ultimate Purpose

Why forgive? The easiest answer is to say because we are told to. Ever since we were kids I remember being told things like: “Say you are sorry,” or “Tell her you forgive her!” And as far as God went, we were supposed to forgive others just like He has forgiven us. Unfortunately that was the gist of what I heard. Numerous questions remained.

The Process of Forgiveness Step 7

In this last series of blogs, I have done my best to answer a number of questions and share my heart on the topic of forgiveness. In this last blog on the topic, I want to refer back to an earlier work on the subject where I approach this topic of WHY. Why forgive? What is the ultimate purpose in God forgiving us and in turn, you and I forgiving others?

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