6 Ways to Focus on Your Marriage

I have a question for you:  what kind of a marriage do you want?

I have some friends who have been married over 60 years.  They are not only still madly in love, but they are a delight to be around. It is obvious they have focused on their marriage to make it what it is today.  How can you and I do that?

Tony Robbins, a Life Success Coach says:  “Most people have no idea of the giant capacity we can immediately command when we focus all of our resources on mastering a single area of our lives.”

The Bible says:  “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”  Matthew 6:21  NIV

This is what caught my attention about my friends after their 60 years of marriage:

* They still enjoy each other and like being together.
* There is peace between them.
* They are thoughtful and kind towards each other.
* They treat each other with honor and dignity.
* Complements and praise for the other are not far from their lips.
* They look at each other in endearing ways.

Who would not want a relationship like that?  How can we get there?  We must make it a matter of FOCUS.

Here are 6 ways to focus on your marriage and build the relationship you desire:

1. Take time to get to know each other throughout your marriage.

There is story that takes place in each of our lives every single day.  Listen to her story.  Listen to his the same.  Spend a minimum of 20 minutes a day – ten minutes for each one to listen to the other. Hear the highs and lows of their day.  Listen to any fears or concerns.  Stay focused, letting them know you care.

2. Work together on projects and mission.

Doing so creates shared experiences that make fond memories.  Any challenges that arise from working together provide opportunities for personal growth.

3. Connect together spiritually.

Share a meaningful moment or thought of the day.  Pray together daily – even if it is just the last two minutes before you go to bed.  Share one “take-away” from having read the Bible that day.  Read and discuss a book on spirituality.  Listen to worship music together.  Take part in a small group together.

4. Engage in sex regularly as a means to bless each other.

“Regularly” is to be determined by both.  Sex is much more than just a release.  It is an experience of connection; an expression of desire; a way to minister; a culmination of love.

5. Commit to never stop learning about marriage.

Do any or all of the following on a yearly basis:  attend a marriage conference; read a book on marriage; spend time with a marriage coach or counselor even if it is simply for a tune-up;  learn from couples around you who enjoy their marriage.

6. Monitor your speech.

Discipline yourself to be ten times more positive than negative.

Each of these six points have been very significant for my wife and I.  With respect to what Tony Robbins said above, to master the area of our life we call marriage, we must “focus all of our resources” to make it happen.  What kind of marriage do you want?

Leave a comment below.   What else have you found helpful to FOCUS on in your marriage?

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

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10 thoughts on “6 Ways to Focus on Your Marriage

  1. I enjoy your news letter so much. I often print it off and use it in my premarital and couple coaching sessions. Of course this is only after first making application in my own marriage.

    You are the beloved of God.

    • You are a great encourager Joe! Glad to hear you using some of the material for pre-marital and couple coaching times. And of course – applying it to your own marriage. :) In truth, we must all keep growing personally and in our marriages as well – so we don’t grow stagnant. I know you know that–for I am one who learns from you! Blessings.

  2. Dick and I had 51 great years. Gary Chapman was in his class at Moody. His Love Languages helped us a lot. I’d say every couple needs to learn what theirs are.

    So glad you two are in this ministry. Big hugs to your mom and dad who need to keep in touch with me!!

  3. I liked your blog very much. Had a meaningful neighbor to love in a new way on Saturday. We have a great start with two who just moved in close to us. Thanks for your encouragement.


    • Thanks George! So encouraged by you and Marjean loving on your neighbors. You two are and have always been such a blessing to us as I am sure you are to many others. May we all continue to be faithful until the King returns!

  4. I am learning and practicing to not allow shame (self-judgement) of past failures and mistakes to cloud the view of who I am so that I will be the husband and father I want to be. Your blog helps me to stay focused on the present on what I can do now to continue growing and learning and I am grateful for you.

    We cannot change what we do not acknowledge.

    • So good to hear Lenny and true. We must clearly admit and acknowledge our past failures and mistakes to our selves and those we have hurt so as to begin the process of repair. At the same time, ongoing shame and self-judgment actually hinders the process of healing between us and those whom we have hurt. Honest, humility, sorrow for our wrong is needed; but self condemnation/hatred causes us to pull away. It tends to make the offended party feel the need to be strong for the offender rather than the other way around.